Does it make me selfish to have only myself, to deal within a world of misunderstanding, or is it the world which gets and I whom does not. Shall I resort my essence into nothing, for we all know nothing lasts forever. I was asked my thoughts, and before I could answer I was answer if such knowledge was 'allowed'. My only thought afterwards was that you're allowed to know what you allow yourself, it's odd the deepest understanding one could question need be seized, but awareness that is of no general interest is made to inter and arrest our attention. Hoping to realize anything I could, I've already got mourners that don't know who I am. Can I erase myself to rewrite everyone a "letter", a single one. Just a symbol of what I was before it's necessary to engrave on stone rather significant minds, will a burial really get rid of me or does the world tire of me stomping and treading patches of itself for my answers. I bet it angers when I compact it's wonder even further, and if I'm a question to the world it's just waiting to take me in, into conception and get an answer. What happens if I devour it first? I'm just curious as always in the thought, if I could consume the earth and it's knowledge before it did so to me. I'll be able to make it as though it never was then as it would do me, I'll be able to make one ancient book decay and crumble to write anew. I crave to write the end of it, I am the conclusion, I should have say. Once all is burned and atoned of sin, purified or dubbed corrupt. After things are content yet again, could I remain as I've always been. Discontent with a shaking pen in hand, uncertain with a unsteady sword in hand.

I hate you, life. Let us bring end to one another....

HOLD ME UP

This place a center for gravitation. As I alone bring myself down, you hold me up. That embrace always having my back, being at my back and wrapping your arms around. I feel you there so close, but even if my eyes were open, I can't see you. Such a soft touch getting to my heart, while rough ones never reach me. Like a belt for life, keeping me bound, keeping me assured, you hold me up. One connection in the middle of my heart, I'm unbreakable in the middle of the world against me. Each time wounds and scars I've taken brush behind me, crumble beyond if you squeeze tighter it all falls down, you hold me up. The strongest armor I could have because we are together, you're clad to me I'd be apart without you, you hold me up.

It's begun again and returned; That image unknown which I know all about, the impression of me, lost and fully found. His twists' are beyond shoulder length, his eyes glossed with-- wisdom beyond his years unmeasurable and entirely black, his lips closed politely for the words behind them stir life and death. His figure healthy, not uncertain to be exact but his upper body and arms are sculpted athletic. What always bothered me was his right arm, always covered in bandages and straps tight. It didn't seem to ail him, the arm wasn't injured. There's a totally different reason then expected his arm-- my arm is restricted, HE moves with it cautiously, like it's a bomb or something. Every time I see him with my eyes shut, his are open watching me. Always giving me that expression, waiting for me to say or do something in audience the same expression I give him. Neither of us do though, just there observing one another.

Mn. *stretches his arms up over his head curving his iced claw finger tips, feather black diamond wings unfolding from his back and gave a single flap before concealing once more* It's nice being back in Texas, home. The air ninja(Aaron/Avera) and I are going to see 300 later, it's gunna be awesome. Some well needed brother hang-age, just last night and this morning, me and Raminous were playing Zelda (Twilight) and eating doughnuts then after. It was to be just a lil gaming and sleep until the his mom had work, but reading Alex's "disclaimer" of understanding a single thought or act I perform, I needed sugary goodness in my chibi cheeks. I. Am. AMPED. About the celebration >^o^< not at all about turning 18, fuck that notion, who cares. BUT the Ace' Brothers plot something chaotic in my name generally, when I want something so bad, I never cease seige after it. And what Einikusu wants *grins* is countless sadistic laughs at DAVE & BUSTER! It's what I want! It's what I'll get! Um-- exact details will be announced as confirmation and approval progres, but to be establish in the ranks of this. Cash. 's all I want, 's all I need for my birthday. Because like I said, when I want something so bad, the hunger never "dies". And what would keep me feeling "alive", IS THOSE DAMN BLACK SCLERAS! <O>_<O>....I will have them. They will be mine.

[After movie edit]

It was awesome. I loved it, makes you think about quite a few aspects, then at the same time gives me my hunger for warfare. Lots of good action, I'd see it again and I damn sure plan to own when avaiable. Earth ninja(Jamie/Zeinzu) managed to tag at the last minute, glad to have him come with Aaron and me. We joked around about Greek Gods after the movie, making silly alter universes. Aaron would be son of Apolo, Jamie son of Aries, I son of Hades(not my decision). We joked about how we'd screw with mortals in our Fathers' names, and take whatever punishment later as a result of the chaos.

I doubt it was this little way of living feud between me and Alex, or even the fragile ties of life ripped and woven in 300. Whatever the cause I've faded back into my auto-piolit on life, it just doesn't seem like worth paying much attention to, until I land/crash/disappear and it's gone.

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:18:23 PM): hey

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:18:26 PM): hey hey

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:18:33 PM): how are you?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:18:46 PM): been better, fair enough though, you?

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:19:04 PM): im ok just finish cleaning the house

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:19:12 PM): coo'

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:19:34 PM): Still not noticed in florida?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:20:20 PM): I don't exist here, so whatever, I hardly exist these days in general

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:20:43 PM): You exist to me

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:21:50 PM): You could forget me one day, and you're not immortal thus my memory in you isn't either, what will individuals do, what will I do when the world has forgotten me and I don't remember myself

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:22:32 PM): wow well since we have not spoken that much I have not forgotten you

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:23:16 PM): Thanks. I appreciate the attempt to keep me bound to this world, there isn't anywhere else I wanna go really

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:24:07 PM): why are u taking like this?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:25:20 PM): ?..this is how I've always talked/spoken, at least in my head anyway, I just don't feel like faking to be ok today. I'll be my careless self another time

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:25:44 PM): why do u always feel like this

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:25:51 PM): I don't know

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:26:06 PM): you act like u have no friends

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:26:34 PM): I factor it's my friends who act like they don't have me

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:27:12 PM): do you feel that way with me?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:27:37 PM): No, you don't approach me as most do in the situation I speak

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:27:59 PM): than why feel that way

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:29:02 PM): I don't feel things, I just understand them and contemplate them on occasion, so people concept that 'that's' how I feel

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:29:57 PM): than why come off as if something is wrong?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:31:23 PM): I never said anything is wrong, I don't go by such terms. No one can prove to me or make full sense of themselves what is "right" and "wrong", so I just go by the impressions that surround me, and instill them

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:33:15 PM): no not wrong in that sense, but that ur not happy

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:33:28 PM): No, I'm not happy

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:33:37 PM): y?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:34:00 PM): I wouldn't know, happiness just isn't inside me

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:35:12 PM): so i don't make u feel happy in any way?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:35:51 PM): I suppose you might if we were together. Why, do I make you happy?

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:37:37 PM): yea when I feel down talking to u helps

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:37:56 PM): Oh. That's good

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:38:04 PM): you should drive up to NY

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:38:21 PM): Perhaps. What awaits me there?

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:38:26 PM): ME

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:38:54 PM): Ah

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:39:06 PM): What awaits me in you?

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:39:14 PM): so do I make u happy?

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:39:27 PM): You get to hang out with me

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:39:37 PM): You don't make me unhappy

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:39:57 PM): ok I know i don't do that

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:40:05 PM): so i don't cheer u up?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:40:19 PM): You do often times

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:40:37 PM): So spring break is near

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:40:47 PM): It is

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:40:51 PM): wanna see the big appel

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:41:22 PM): I'm not that into fruits, not even metaphorical terms of them

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:41:49 PM): o god. You wanna come over or not?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:42:46 PM): No thanks. It'll be a draining trip, and overall you said yourself I'm just a child to you.

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:43:57 PM): I did not say you were a child I just said u are under the age limit. I just can't fuck u but we can hang out.

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:44:54 PM): I see

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:45:22 PM): so is that all u want from me?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:46:45 PM): I've asked nothing of you, that I recall. So why would you tag my debts with sex

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:47:31 PM): what do you mean tag ur debts with sex?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:48:28 PM): You asked is that all I want from you, when I never said I wanted that from you to start with

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:49:32 PM): than why mention me saying that u are young?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:49:49 PM): Because you did

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:50:49 PM): no i didn't

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:50:55 PM): No?

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:51:27 PM): read up ur the first one to mention it

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:52:24 PM): And you were still the one to state it in the past

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:52:47 PM): does that really bother you?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:53:08 PM): No, it only seem to bother you, why else would you have stated it

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:53:46 PM): what? you were the one mentioning to have sex with me thats why I said that

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:54:46 PM): Ok, if I'm at fault, I don't mind

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:56:04 PM): arn't u turning 18 soon any way?

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:56:14 PM): Yes.

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:57:26 PM): so by the time u get her than maybe it can be more fun than just site seeing.

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:57:52 PM): Sure

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 2:58:29 PM): ok u don't sound to cheerful to hear that

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 2:59:45 PM): Well it wasn't my concern before it was approved by you, little changes when I turn 18 and it is. Age is a pointless gambit, time doesn't mean anything to me

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 3:00:32 PM): well it doesn't mean anything to u but it does to the law.Which i don't feel like messin with

Claressa Arce (3/9/2007 3:01:06 PM): And age does matter to me since I don't feel like fuck a 40 or 10 yr old

Chase Edwards (3/9/2007 3:01:28 PM): I see.

when it comes to others u seem to have figure other people out but not all since there are always those unique souls wondering about

Chase Edwards: True. I study them more closely then most

Claressa Arce: I notice

Chase Edwards:

Claressa Arce: u study wet u don't asl

Claressa Arce: ask*

Claressa Arce: u just let them unravel for u

Chase Edwards: I do indeed. I've totally under estimated you, you know the little details about me, where as my closest friends know the obvious

Claressa Arce: I know u did since like u I have secrets

Chase Edwards: Not so much secrets. I just prefer to lurk so close, anyone else would swear I'm that persons shadow, their darker side. I do this rather then lurk from the shadows like a coward, I want my knowledge and research of anything or anyone to be direct or as close as possible

Claressa Arce: But i doupt u tell them this up front so in some kind of way a secret

Chase Edwards: Well-- *thinks* I often times interact with the person I might be observing because they hold certain knowledge that I do not, but the person could never tell that was my intention, for I often times juggle two inentions or motive just to insure I get away with one without notice

Claressa Arce: So what is it u think of me?

Chase Edwards: You're a sweet girl, who has interest in me for reasons I'm not sure of yet, who wants to help me however much she can

Claressa Arce: good u know something of me

Claressa Arce: I would say i'm sweet

Chase Edwards: ^_^ You're sweet to me

Claressa Arce: fine to you

Claressa Arce: anything else u figured about me?

Chase Edwards: Hm. Not really, I mean no offense, but I don't study people close to me that often. I search for people with hidden knowledge, people that know things or have figured something out they shouldn't have

Claressa Arce: ok

Claressa Arce: there isn't that much to me anyway

Chase Edwards: lol, I doubt that

Claressa Arce: there isn't

Chase Edwards: I'll see for myself

This will indeed be a challenge in life, but I guess it would overall interest me much less if the challenge wasn't there. I just hate the thought of struggling to succeed in life, knowing it'll be taken from me in the end. It's a joke. A sin above others that supposide determine whether we die to happiness or to more hatred, well to die from happiness is all I hate.

I've been focusing on mirrors as of late; They've always stirred me in a bad way, I just don't feel comfortable around them, close to them, one that are life-size even make me hostile. The odd part is I feel connected with mirrors, if I had to personify a reflect, I think I'd be quite accurate. Everytime I touch one, press my hand firm against one, I always expect either my reflection or myself to suddenly grasp one another. Not frightening or to shock, in a despit grip to pull one another out or to not be let go. I look at the reflections eyes as though their not mine, and that's not me. I feel we're similar, have a good understanding of each other, but we're not the same. If I lean my back against a stable mirror, I get nervous I'll fall through. Not through the frame, or its solid definition, straight through the "window" of it never to come back. I get the feeling that if I focused hard enough-- something could go in, or something could come out of a mirror and exist.

I wonder who the real reflection is. Us or them

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
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